A multi fandom exchange dedicated to rare femslash

This is the book I've been hankering after for a few days now. Partly because it seemed to me very Frankcore, yes, I will admit... but also partly because I just love werewolves and shapeshifting, especially as allegories for queerness. So I picked it up and blasted through it in a few hours and I enjoyed it! But I'm also a bit disappointed.

First of all, the themes are not subtle. Toxic masculinity, the importance of emotional vulnerability, the sense of not belonging, upper class pyramid schemes under the guise of mental health and alpha-isms. This book knows what it's about (which I love) and spells it out for you (which I don't love as much). I enjoyed sometimes how on-the-nose it could be, but sometimes it felt as if the story thought I was stupid. I wish it made me actually think a little more instead of just saying it straight-up. But if we're putting that aside, the strong clear-cut message works mostly in the book's favour. It never gets muddled up, it never veers off-track.

The writing style is a delightful fit for the vibe of the book. It's very witty, fast-paced, even a little immature at times in a good way. And funny! Some jokes really got me to laugh out loud. At the same time though, when it gets serious, it does it well. All the heavy moments really hit you even when the other parts are silly. It also feels very raw, and blunt, not mincing words at all. Like I said before, sometimes the directness annoyed me... but other times it felt absolutely perfect. I think it's that subtle difference between the cool atmospheric "beating me with a sledgehammer" and the frustrating "spoonfeeding me everything in the story".

The characters were interesting, especially the main character Brian. He and I have mostly nothing in common on paper but of course there are things about him that are painfully relatable. Having no sense of direction, wanting so badly to belong. His estrangement from his parents felt very real. Nik and Darby were cool, not the fullest characters ever but they were likeable and served their roles in the story well. Tyler was an absolute caricature, but that's not a negative. It fits because he's fallen for his own grift, and now it's his entire identity. He is nothing and no one outside of it. I also liked the decision to kill Mark off despite him being seemingly more sympathetic than Tyler, and how he finds it much harder than Brian to let go. Because he's been falling for it his whole life, because he's just weak and different (read: gay) enough to hold resentment for Tyler, but he has nowhere else to go and nothing else to believe in. Honestly, what an on-point representation of the little two-man cult that is their abusive bromance. That Tyler/Mark/Brian toxic yaoi triangle was so damn good.

On that note, the portrayals of toxic masculinity were pretty chilling. That's ultimately what the book is about and I hated every moment of it (in a good way). In the end Brian finds happiness in being open and "weak" with his friends instead of posturing with disgusting straight(ish) men, and it's cheesy, but it works.

There is one scene that I hate though, mostly as a personal thing. When Brian comes out to Nik and Darby about his lycanthropy and they go "Haha we know!". Oh my god. One of the tropes I absolutely hate the most, no matter if it's coming out as gay or as a werewolf or whatever. I can't even describe why I despise it, but the entire chapter I was wrinkling my nose in disgust. I would love this book 100% more if it had just gone through the simple matter of making Nik and Darby react, to be surprised by the fact that their best friend is a murderous monster and love him anyway, instead of pulling that cheap trick.

Anyway, I've seen some reviewers compare this to Fight Club, which is accurate. Fight Club mixed with a hefty dose of Mean Girls. That being said, I wish the story had went harder on this. There are woefully few scenes of their little fight club, and when it's there it mostly glosses over the violence. This is related to a deeper issue I have with the book which is that I wish it wasn't afraid to go a little grittier. It isn't a rating problem, as there are two sex scenes. And yet the violence in this book seems so muted. Maybe it's just my gore-loving self, but why shy away? Werewolves and violence are two things that are fundamentally inseparable, but as it is the supernatural part seems more like set dressing. It feels scared to go into bloody territory, when bloody territory should be a werewolf's bread and butter.

I guess my most major complaint about it was that it just didn't feel crazy enough. Was it fun and campy and awesome? Yes. Was it as insane and wacky and gorey as I expected from a book titled "Bored Gay Werewolf" with a cover in neon colours? No. The concept is amazing, everything is there to make it perfect for me, but the execution falls just a little short. I think I would love it a lot more if I hadn't been looking forward to it for a while.

That being said, it's still a fun read. It's easy to get through but doesn't lack in intelligent and relevant themes which it delivers clearly through a clever and funny character voice. I give it a 7.5/10!

Winter break is here! 🦀

I had my last lecture and my last class of the year today. The lecture was fine and I managed to stay (mostly) focused throughout it. The presentation in the later class didn't go as well as I had hoped, but I don't think it's anything to stress over. We'll do better next time. I hate group projects and I wish I could do it all alone, but my groupmates are alright so I won't complain.

Between my classes I went to the library and I read a Sylvia Plath short story which I loved! Gonna write another post on it soon. (I love to ramble).

The sky gets dark very quickly now. It's been like this for a while, but it seems faster than ever nowadays. It feels like late evening even when it's only three to four in the afternoon. After class I rushed to the bookstore since I really didn't want to ride home while it's dark and I bought two books. None of them were the ones I put on my TBR—I swear on my life I wanted to get Hamlet, but I couldn't find it. They had most of other Shakespeare's works except this one! How is that even possible? They even had deep cuts like Cymbeline. But no Hamlet. That's crazy.

At any rate, I'm satisfied with what I got. I'll do more posts on my thoughts when I'm done reading them. Right now I'm cooking rice and I'm gonna eat it with curry while I read. What a good start to my winter holidays.

I finished Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy today. What a ride... it feels strange to finally put a rest to the novel I've been painstakingly working through since March. I have a lot of thoughts.

Spoilers for the entire novel!

Firstly, Anna and Vronsky; I don't care too much for them as a couple, to be honest. Or to be more accurate I never really saw them as a happy couple or ever rooted for them to be happily together. I really like Anna as her own character, Vronsky not so much, but together as lovers I struggle to see their chemistry and I never really delighted in their moments together. The fact that they love each other feels more told than it is shown. I have no idea whether this was the intention or not.

This in contrast to Kitty and Levin, who I liked very much. I think they're very sweet together. I love Kitty and how cheerful and enthusiastic she is. I especially enjoyed the middle chapters about her youth pre-marriage to Levin, she is just such a likeable character to follow and even from the beginning I felt very fond of her. I like Levin as well, partially maybe because I relate so much to him... I like that he's socially awkward, that he gets jealous easily, that he can at once be very knowledgeable but also clueless. I have to admit whenever the POV switched to Kitty or Levin, I internally cheered.


I loved the scene where Levin visits his brother Nicholas as he dies, as morbid as it sounds. I like how much it shows off Kitty's strength, that she is the level-headed and active one in comparison to Levin. And I find it deeply relatable how Levin was always, of course, on some level aware of the concept of death, but it is through this death of someone close to him that he suddenly becomes truly awakened to what it is and that it exists.

That's not to say I didn't enjoy the Anna/Vronsky bits at all. All I wish is that I felt a little something more for them. But I still liked reading their chapters, especially toward the end as their relationship crumbled apart. (It's during these later chapters that I dislike Vronsky more and more, even if I do get that's the point).

One part that will especially stick with me is the scene where Anna is going to the station and she looks at the world around her and can only regard it with hate. When all the pain she's suffered has clouded her vision and she can no longer see any good in anything. Even where you might expect it, she finds a way to twist it into something ugly. It feels so human and real. And the last moment before her suicide where she sees the joy in the world once more, but it still doesn't stop her from killing herself, really strikes me. Again at the risk of sounding morbid, what an amazingly written death scene.

This book came with notes, ones that compared Levin and Vronsky, no doubt because they're both the "males" of the two main couples. But in my opinion, it feels more appropriate to compare Anna and Levin. Because they are the two main protagonists who we spend the most time with, yes, but also because the paralleling arcs feel to me centred around their inner world. Anna's search for passionate love, which ends in tragedy, against Levin's simple way of living and the hopeful note it ends on despite his numerous existential crises (though perhaps it would be more accurate to say this book is one singular long existential crisis for Levin). Regardless of whether it's luck or fate, Levin finds an answer to the question he asks, even if it's not an absolute one. Anna does not, or maybe she does but she cannot bring herself to live with it.

And I know some people say that Levin is the true protagonist, but I don't think that's true either... he seems more in-depth because he was in part Tolstoy's self-insert and thus a lot of his thoughts are the author's own, but I think they complete each other, much the way their stories do. Without one, the other one's symbolic autobiography is incomplete.

Other characters and aspects I liked were Dolly and Karenin. I thoroughly enjoyed Dolly's perspective whenever it switched to her, especially her views on motherhood and her own war with herself, admiring Anna for acting on her heart's desires, something Dolly could not do. I think it's a really realistic depiction of these two noblewomen stuck in an oppressive society. Karenin's chapters were sometimes more boring I admit, but I do enjoy that Tolstoy also made him a sympathetic character. The tone of his narrative was robotic and unfeeling and it really fit Karenin's own personality.

When it comes to writing style, I like how realistic it feels. This may just be the general state of Russian literature at the time, but it feels distinct from Dostoevsky... I can't put my finger on it, but it's there. It tells us through excruciating detail every single feeling and thought a character has. It makes you feel like you know the characters so intimately. Of course this does result in lots of meandering, chapters upon chapters focused on just one happening, and I don't blame anyone who may find it a bit of a slog (I too got a bit frustrated in the less interesting chapters), but in the end I think it's mostly a plus of the novel. They feel like real people that could have existed.

Related to that, I do have mixed feelings on how absurdly long this book is. As I've seen many people point out, I feel like this book could convey much the same message and characters while being 200 pages shorter. This is my main gripe with the book, that there are many chapters that feel too boring, superfluous even. But also, I don't know that I would feel as deeply about it in the end if it lacked pages upon pages of detail and character study and thought. So while I do wish it was easier to read and more concise with what it was trying to say, I also can't say concretely "Man, Tolstoy should've written this way shorter". It probably wouldn't be Tolstoy in that case xd.

I feel that there's a lot in this book that I missed largely because I'm totally ignorant when it comes to Russian history and politics, which is a shame and probably contributed to me not being entertained as I could have been. I also think I would understand it better and be able to pick up on more of its intended themes if I reread it. But 800 pages... if I ever end up giving it a second read, it'll be a long time from now.

Overall, I liked it. It was a good read, especially toward the end when everything started to come together. I devoured the last 300 pages in less than a week! If you can get past its intimidating length and the fact that it's very much a product of its time with its commentary on Russian society and philosophy, I would recommend it. A solid 7.5/10!

Class is about to start. I have no doubt it's going to be another mind-numbingly boring one but it's fine. I'll get through it and then treat myself to curry bread after. I spent a few hours before this sitting in the cafeteria reading AK, which I'm even closer to finishing... I have a lot of thoughts and things I want to say about it, which I'm glad for, because if I read 800 pages of noble Russian melodrama and came away from it totally indifferent I would be pissed as hell.

Some other things to do today: complete a presentation I have to submit and pay my goddamn insurance, what a drag. Over the weekend once I finish AK I'm going to go to the bookstore and buy a new novel that I saw the last time I was there. I didn't put it in my TBR because I didn't buy it and didn't think I was going to read it, but I saw a few good reviews yesterday and realised that I need to get my hands on it. Hopefully the bookstore still has it, or I'll hate myself forever.

Ugh, this class is awful... I just wanna read...